Finding Renewed Joy and a Sense of Adventure in Our Lives

Norwegian proverb: “Only one who wanders finds new paths.”

How do we create more joy in our lives, especially when the law is so demanding of our time? I often hear this question when I give presentations, see clients, or run into people at legal events. The answer is simple, but not easy–especially for Type A, perfectionistic personality types. Simply put, we must create space in our lives to grow in different ways then we are used to. What does that mean? More importantly, how can we achieve it?

The standards we set for ourselves at work and at home can be demanding and overwhelming. We often rely on external factors to validate our sense of worthiness. We look to others to tell us we are doing a good job and depend on positive feedback to feel good about ourselves. The problem is when we do not receive continual feedback, we may feel we are not as successful as we should be, are not achieving enough, or are not achieving quickly enough. This can be related to money, title, skills, or even things such as housing, clothing, jewelry, and other items that make us temporarily feel important and valued. These “factors” are never enough to “feed the beast” inside us, that says more is better, which can lead to feeling more pressure, anger, and interpersonal conflict. Sometimes we sacrifice our real happiness to gain more and seek validation from others. We become addicted to achievement as a way to feel an internal sense of worth, but that feeling remains temporary, impermanent, and elusive.

Additionally, we can become more rigid and fixed in our thinking and behaviors, leading others to view us as difficult, inflexible, demanding, and unpredictable in our moods. This can increase our sense of isolation and decrease our sense of intimacy and connection with others, contributing to higher levels of depression and anxiety. Who do you become when the plan or strategy does not go according to your expectations?

Robert Louis Stevenson said, “Find out where joy resides, and give it a voice beyond singing, for to miss the joy is to miss all.” How do we then achieve this for the long term rather than as a temporary panacea? Like children, we must explore the world around us by trying new and novel things. We must push ourselves beyond the external factors that often define us by being better friends, partners, spouses, colleagues, and human beings. We must focus on the internal qualities and values that make us unique and special, rather than conforming to what the law expects from us in our jobs.

We must develop an innate sense of self through self-exploration and personal challenges that increase our health and well-being. We must take care of ourselves, not just physically, but emotionally as well. We must focus on our mental health and vary the level of personal stimulation we need to feel alive and energized. We must take on new personal challenges, even if we are not good at them. We do not have to define ourselves by winning. Instead, we can define ourselves by doing things we are not necessarily good at—things that challenge and stimulate our minds and bodies as we learn a new skill or hobby. Take a class at the community college on woodworking or gardening, go on a trip to a place you have always wanted to see, join a book club, and find a sense of community and friendship outside of work by meeting others in places where you are learning and exploring.

Life is about living, taking chances, and learning or doing something new, different, or novel. It feels good not to have to be good at something, especially when we are constantly expected to be competitive or high achieving. Trying something new challenges us to become more flexible, adaptive, and willing to take healthy risks. Life is about reinventing ourselves until we find the right formula that works for us, both personally and professionally. Don’t get stuck doing the same thing every day without a sense of joy. You have more control over your life than you may sometimes think or acknowledge. And if you feel stuck, reach out to LAP for help. We are always here to help you find a renewed sense of purpose in your life.